Attractive Personality
We have explained in our lesson on "Individuality" that what is
known, as the "Personality" was not the real "I" of the Individual,
but that instead it formed the "Me" part of oneself the outward
appearance of the Individual. As we have told you, the word
Personality really means the "mask" aspect of the Individual, the
outward appearance of the part in the great drama of life that he is
playing. And just as the actor may change his mask and costume, so may
the Individual change, alter and replace his Personality by other
features found desirable.
But nevertheless, while the Personality is not the real "I," it
plays an important part in the drama of life, particularly as the
audience pays more attention to the Personality, as a rule, than it
does to the real Individual behind the mask. And so it is proper that
every Individual should cultivate and acquire a Personality that will
prove attractive to his audience, and render him acceptable to them.
No, we are not preaching deception we regard Individuality as the
Real Self, and believe that one should build himself up to his highest
and best according to the laws of Individual Unfoldment but,
nevertheless, so long as one must wear a Personality about him as he
goes through life, we believe that it is not only to his advantage,
but is also his duty to make that Personality as pleasing and
attractive as he is able to. You know that no matter how good,
intelligent and high-minded a man may be, if he wears the mask of an
unattractive and unpleasant Personality he is placed at a
disadvantage, and drives away people whom he might benefit and who
would be glad to love him if they could see behind his unattractive
mask.
Nor are we speaking of ones personal physical appearance when we
speak of unattractive and attractive masks. While ones physical
appearance goes a good way in some cases, there is a charm of
Personality that far transcends that fleeting appearance. There are
many persons having beautiful faces and forms whose personality is far
from charming, and who repel rather than attract. And there are others
whose faces are homely and whose forms are far from shapely, who have,
nevertheless, that "winning way about them" that attracts others to
them. There are people whom we are always glad to see, and whose charm
of manner makes us forget that they are not beautiful, in fact, even
their homely faces seem to become transfigured when we are in their
presence. That is what we meant by Personality, in the same way in
which we are now using it. It bears a very close relationship to
"Personal Magnetism," of which we spoke of in our preceding lesson.
One of the first things that should be cultivated by those wishing
to develop the Charm of Personality is a mental atmosphere of
Cheerfulness. There is nothing so invigorating as presence of a
cheerful person nothing so dispiriting as one of those Human Wet
Blankets that cast a chill over everyone and everything with whom they
come in contact. Think of your acquaintances and you will find that
you will naturally place them in two classes the Cheerful ones and
the Gloomy ones. Sunny Jim is always preferred to Gloomy Gus the one
you will welcome, and the other you will fly from. The Japanese
understand this law of Personality, and one of the first things that
they teach their children is to preserve a cheerful, sunny exterior,
no matter if their hearts are breaking. With them it is considered one
of the most flagrant offenses against good form to carry their
sorrows, grief and pain into the presence of others. They reserve that
side of their life for the privacy of their own chamber to the
outside world they present always a happy, sunny smile. And in this
they are wise, for a number of reasons (1) that they may induce a more
buoyant and positive state of mind in themselves; (2) that they may
attract cheerful persons and things to them by the Law of Attraction;
and (3) that they may present an attractive Personality to others, and
thereby be welcome and congenial associates and participants in the
work of life. There is little welcome or help for the Gloomy Gus tribe
in everyday business life they are avoided as a pestilence
everyone has troubles enough of his own without those of other people
added thereto.
Remember the old lines:
Laugh and the world laughs with you;
Weep and you weep alone.
For this sad old earth is in need of mirth,
And has troubles enough of its own
So cultivate the Smile that Wont Come Off. It is a valuable asset
of Personality. Not the silly, idiotic grin, but the Smile that means
something the Real Thing. And such a smile comes from within, and is
more that skin deep. If you want a Verbal Pattern upon which to model
the mental state that will produce this outward appearance of
Personality, here it is: "BRIGHT, CHEERFUL, AND HAPPY. "FRAME IT AND
HANG it in a prominent place in your Mental Art Gallery. Commit it to
memory and Visualize it, so that you may be able to see it before you
like an illuminated electric sign "BRIGHT, CHEERFUL AND HAPPY"
then endeavor to materialize the idea into reality within your mind.
Think it out act it out and it will become real to you. Then will
you have Something Worthwhile in the shape of Personality? This may
seem simple and childish to you but if you will work it out into
actuality, it will be worth thousands of dollars to you, no matter
what walk of life you may be in.
Another valuable bit of Personality is that of Self Respect. If you
have real Self Respect it will manifest itself in your outward
demeanor and appearance. If you dont have it, you had better start in
and cultivate the appearance of Self Respect, and then Remember that
you are a MAN, or a WOMAN, as the case may be, and not a poor,
crawling Worm on the Dust of a Human Door Mat. Face the world firmly
and fearlessly, keeping your eyes well to the front. HOLD UP YOUR
HEAD!There is nothing like a stiff backbone and a raised head for
meeting the world. The man with bent head seems to apologize for
living and being on the earth and the world is apt to take such at
their own valuation. An erect head enables one to walk past the
dragons at the door of Success. A writer gives the following good
advice on this subject:"Hold your ear lobes directly over your
shoulders, so that a plumb line hung from the ears describes the line
of your body. Be sure also not to carry the head either to the right
or left, but vertical. Many men make the mistake, especially while
waiting for a customer to finish some important piece of business, of
leaning the head to the right or left. This indicates weakness. A
study of men discloses the fact that the strong men never tilt the
head. Their heads sit perfectly straight on strong necks. Their
shoulders, held easily, yet firmly, in position, are inspiring in
their strength indicating poise. Every line of the body, in other
words, denotes the thought of the bearer. "The value of this advice
lies not only in the fact that it gives to you the "appearance" of
Self Respect (no trifling matter, by the way), but also that it tends
to cultivate a corresponding mental state within you. For just as
"Thought takes form in Action," so do Actions develop mental states
it is a rule that works both ways. So think Self Respect and act Self
Respect. Let the "I AM" within you manifest itself. Dont crawl
dont cringe dont grovel but do be a Real Human Being. Another
bit of Personality worth cultivating is the Art of Taking an Interest
in Others. Many people go through the world so wrapped up in their own
affairs that they convey the impression of being "apart" and aloof
from others with whom they come in contact. This mental state
manifests in a most unpleasant form of Personality. Such people are
not only regarded as "cold" and lacking heart and soul, but they also
give others the impression of selfishness and hardness, and the public
is apt to let such a person alone to leave him to his own selfish
moods and mental states. Such a one never becomes popular never
becomes a good mixer among men. Taking an Interest in Others is an art
that well repays the student of Success to cultivate it. Of course one
must always keep the main chance before him and not allow his own
interests to suffer by reason of his interest in others that goes
without saying, for unreasonable altruism is just as one sided as
undue selfishness. But there is a middle course. You will find
something of interest in every person with whom you come in contact,
and if you will but turn your attention to that interest it will
manifest itself in such a way that the person will be conscious of it,
will appreciate it, and will be glad to respond by taking an interest
in you. This is not deceit, or time serving, or flattery it is the
Law of Compensation working on the mental plane you get what you
give. If you will stop and think a moment you will find that the
people whose Personality seems the most attractive to you are the
people who seem to Take an Interest in your own personality.
This Taking an Interest in Others manifests itself in many ways,
one of which is in making you a Good Listener. Now, we do not mean
that you should allow yourself to be made a dumping ground for all the
talk of all the people with whom you come in contact if you do this
you will have time for nothing else. You must use ordinary judgment
and tact in regulating the time you give to others, depending upon the
person and the particular circumstances of the case. What we do mean
is that while youre listening you should Listen Well. There is no
subtler compliment that one person can pay to another than Listening
Well to him or her. To Listen Well is to Listen with Interest. And
that is something that cannot be very well taught in a book. Perhaps
the best way to express the idea is to say, "Listen as you Would be
Listened unto. "The Golden Rule may be applied to many things and
ideas, with benefit and good results. The man who listens well is well
thought of by those to whom he listens. In this connection we are
always reminded of the old story of Carlyle, who, as everyone knows,
was reputed to be a crusty, crabby old chap, prone to sarcastic
remarks and brusque treatment of those with whom he engaged in
conversation. The tale goes that one day a man called upon Carlyle
and the man understood the Art of Listening Well. He so turned the
conversations as to get Carlyle started on a subject dear to his heart
and then he kept quiet and Listened Well. Carlyle talked "a straight
streak" for several hours, and grew quite enthusiastic over his topic.
When at last the visitor arose to depart, he was forced to actually
tear himself away from Carlyle, who, following him to the door,
manifested unusual enthusiasm and good spirits, and bidding him
good-bye, said warmly:"Come again, mon come again and often ye
have a wonderfully bright mind, and Ive enjoyed your conversation
very much indeed ye are a most delightful conversationalist. "
Be careful not to bore people with your personal experiences
better forget your personal self in talking to others, except when it
is right to the point to bring yourself in. People do not want to hear
what a wonderful fellow you are they want to tell you what wonderful
people they are, which is very much more pleasant to them. Dont
retail your woes, nor recite your many points of excellence. Dont
tell what a wonderful baby you have the other people have babies of
their own to think about. You must endeavor to talk about things of
interest to the other person, if he wants to do the talking himself.
Forget yourself and Take and Interest in the Other Person.
Some of the best retail merchants impress upon their salespeople
the advantage of cultivating the mental attitude and personality that
you will give the customer the impression that you are "on his side of
the counter" that is, that you are taking a personal interest in his
being well-served, suited, well-treated and satisfied. The salesman
who is able to create that impression is well advanced on the road to
success in his particular line. This is a difficult thing to describe,
but a little observation and thought and practice along the lines laid
down in the preceding lessons will do much for you in this direction.
A recent writer truthfully says on this subject:"Suppose, for
instance, you are in trade or a profession, and wish to increase your
business. It will not do, when you sell goods or services, to make the
mater a merely perfunctory transaction, taking the customers money,
giving him good value and letting him go away feeling that you have no
interest in the matter beyond giving him a fair deal and profiting
thereby. Unless he feels that you have a personal interest in him and
his needs, and that you are honestly desirous to increase his welfare,
you have made a failure and are losing ground. When you can make every
customer feel that you are really trying to advance his interests as
well as you own, your business will grow. It is not necessary to give
premiums, or heavier weights, or better values than others give to
accomplish this; it is done by putting life and interest into every
transaction, however small. "This writer has stated the idea clearly,
forcibly and truthfully, and you will do well to heed his advice and
to put it into actual practice.
Another important point in Personality is Self-Control,
particularly in the matter of Keeping your Temper. Anger is a mark of
weakness, not of strength. The man who loses his temper immediately
places himself at a disadvantage. Remember the old saying:"Those whom
the gods would destroy, they first make angry. "Under the influence of
anger a man does all sorts of foolish things that he afterwards
regrets. He throws judgment, experience and caution to the winds, and
acts like a crazy man. In fact, anger is a sort of madness a phase
of insanity if you doubt this look carefully at the face of the
first angry man you meet and see how irrational he looks and acts. It
is a well-known fact that if one keeps cool while his opponent is
angry, he has decidedly the best of the matter for he is a sane man
dealing with an irrational one. It is the better policy to allow the
other fellow to "stew in his own fat" of anger, keeping cool yourself
at the same time. It is a comparatively easy matter to cool down an
angry man without becoming angry with you and as it takes two to
make a quarrel, the matter is soon over. You will find that a control
of the outward expression will give you control of you inner mental
state. You will find that if you are able to control your voice,
keeping it calm, steady and low-pitched, you will not fly into a
passion, and more than this, you will find by so doing that the voice
of the other fellow will gradually come down from its loud, boisterous
tones, and in the end both of you will be pitching your voices in the
same key and you have set that key-note. This is worth remembering
this control of the voice it is a secret well worth knowing and
practicing.
While we are on the subject of voice, we would like to call your
attention to a further control of voice, or rather a cultivation of
voice. A man having a well controlled, even, pleasant voice has an
advantage over others having equal abilities in other directions, but
lacking that one quality. The value of a vibrant, resonant, soft and
flexible voice is great. If you have such a voice, you are blessed. If
you lack it, why start to work and cultivate it. Oh, yes, you can! Did
you ever hear of Nathan Sheppard, the well-known public speaker? Then
listen to these words of his, telling of his natural disadvantages of
voice, and how he overcame them and became a great speaker. He
says:"When I made up my mind to devote my mind and body to public
speaking, I was told by my teachers and governors that I would
certainly fail; that my articulation was a failure, and it was; that
my organs of speech were inadequate, and they were; and that if I
would screw up my little mouth it could be put into my mothers
thimble, and it could. Stinging words these certainly were, and cruel
ones. I shall never forget them; possibly, however, they stung me into
a persistency that I would have never known but for these words. At
all events, that is the philosophy of the self made world of
mankind. I may not have accomplished much; I do not claim to have
accomplished much. It is something I have made a living out of, my art
for twenty years, and that I do claim to have done in spite of every
obstacle and every discouragement, by turning my will upon my voice
and vocal organs, by cultivating my elocutionary instincts and my ear
for the cadences of rhetoric, by knowing what I and my voice and my
feelings were about, by making the most of myself. "After these words,
anything that we might add regarding the possibility of acquiring a
good voice by will, practice and desire would be superfluous. Pick out
the kind of voice that you think best adapted to your work, and then
cultivate it by practice, determination and desire. If Mr. Sheppard
could become a famous public speaker with such obstacles as these,
then for you to say "but I cant" is to stamp you as a weakling.
It has been suggested to us that we have a few words to say
regarding the carriage or physical bearing of the person, as an
important part of Personality particularly in the phase of Walking.
But we do not think that is necessary to add to what we have said in
this lesson regarding the subject, in connection with what we have
also said regarding the mental state of Self Respect. The main thing
is to cultivate the Mental State of Self Respect, and the rest will
follow as a natural consequence. Thought takes form in Action, and the
man who has Self Respect imbedded in his mind will surely so carry and
demean him that he will give evidence of his mental state in his every
physical action, gesture, carriage and motion. He must have it within,
as well as without. One must pay attention to the exterior aspect of
course, particularly in the matter of dress. One should cultivate
Cleanliness and Neatness, of both body and clothing. To be well
dressed does not mean to me showily clad in fact, the person who is
best dressed is inconspicuously dressed. Cultivate a quiet, refined
taste, expressed in quality rather than in showiness. And above all
be Clean.
In conclusion, let us impress upon you again and again that that
which we call Personality is but the outer mask of the Individual
Within. The mask may be changed by an effort of the Will, aided by an
intelligent discrimination. First find out what kind of Personality
you should have, and then set to work to cultivate it- to grow it, in
fact. Form the Mental Image of what you want to be then think of it
desire it ardently will that you shall have it then Act It Out,
over and over again; rehearsal after rehearsal, until you will
actually materialize your ideal into objective reality. Make a good
mental pattern or mold, and then pour in your mental material
steadily, and slowly! From the mold will come forth the Character and
Personality that you desire and need. Then polish up this newborn
Personality until it becomes radiant with the brightness of Culture.
You can be what you want to be if you only want to hard enough.
Desire is the mother of the Actuality. Remember once more the old rule
EARNEST DESIRE CONFIDENT EXPECTATION FIRM RESOLVE these are
the three things that lead to ACCOMPLISHMENT. And now that we have
given you this little Secret of Success USE IT. "It is Up to You" to
"Make Good. "We have "pressed the button you must do the rest!"
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